Aug 28 2011 Aeroflot Rescues VincentCategory: General     07:55AM   0

As my own website currently denotes I am now in the midst of a ‘tour’ of Asia,….when a call inviting me to Uzbekistan came as I was preparing to board my flight to Tel Aviv . My faithful little I-phone rang quietly and at the other end was a lady who advised she was calling from Tashkent, had seen my website and wished my services to escort her to an event in that city, namely a museum opening that was being highly touted by the government as testimony of Uzbekistan’s ‘commitment to culture ‘. During our conversation the lady was astounded and delighted to know that I had previously lived periodically in Uzbekistan and spoke ‘a bit’ of the difficult Uzbek language. She further noted that she wanted a ‘western gentleman’ in particular to escort her as well -heeled Uzbek ladies preferred to be seen with such gentleman which gave accorded ‘higher’ social status. How interesting I thought as I listened to the occasion that she was planning and upon hearing her entire proposal, I agreed to change my flight plans and flew to Tashkent via Turkish Airways. When I arrived at the decrepit terminal in Tashkent I took particular note that nothing had changed or been updated from my last visit 7 years ago and that included people sleeping on the floor because there are still not enough chairs !! From this point however things definitely improved when I noticed a gentleman in suit and tie holding up a sign stating ‘Mr. Vincent’.I greeted the man who insisted upon carrying my luggage and escorted me outside to a waiting late-model Mercedes sedan. He drove ‘Formula 1 style’ straight through the main part of the city ignoring all speed limits and traffic control devices to a toney neighborhood where we proceeded into a gated residence complete with armed guards and sentry dog. Once inside the elegant home I was greeted by ‘Captain Mammaduli ’ who advised that ‘ Miss Nila ‘ would be there any moment.I should mention that it was now 3 ‘AM’ and I was tired but at that moment the princess appeared at the top of the stairs attired in an evening gown that screamed ‘expensive-Parisian haute couture ‘ . She ‘glided ‘ down the long marble staircase and held out her hand for me to kiss..which I did and greeted her in Uzbek…’ Hyril kech’ ( Good Evening ). She was very pleased that I knew some Uzbek and in turn greeted me in heavily accented Slavic/English..’so glad you are here.’ She was thin in build with heavily highlighted blond hair, wearing a push up bra with one pad that appeared to have became dislodged and askew to one side, while smelling heavily of Vodka and Chanel . Expecting that I would be shown to my room for sleep I was advised that I needed to change into Tuxedo as we would be departing for the ‘private opening’ at the nearly 4am !! I thought - Madame, your-occasion,your-timetable. This time we were driven by the Captain and arrived at the ‘museum’ which was actually more of a combination large open space room with some artifacts on shelving to one side of the room and tables laden heavily with dumplings ,kabobs, fresh fruits, breads and cases of vodka on the other side. I turned to find that only myself and one other gentleman were viewing the artifacts and everybody else was already eating and drinking, so much for Art Appreciation 101. I was served a mountainous plate of food suitable for feeding at least two NFL linemen with a line of glasses placed in front of me all brimming with ice cold vodka. My Uzbek hostess introduced to me to nearly every guest and advised me that she was very pleased that as her companion I was receiving admiring glances from the other ladies…apparently jealousy was also on the menu this evening. The evening finally concluded and as we were driven back to her residence she advised me of the plethora of ‘physical activities’ she envisioned for us upon our arrival in her boudoir. It was now nearly 9am!! with no sleep for the last 24+ hours - I thought, please lady don’t you ever get tired!! and I need some sleep!! , almost at that very moment she totally passed out and her head wound up in my lap as I noticed the Captain smiling at me in the rear view mirror. Upon arrival at the residence the two of us carried her up the stairs and placed her into bed, covered her with a blanket and went downstairs. He informed me that Madame would be very upset that our ‘activities’ had not taken place and she ALWAYS got what she wanted. Noting the armed guards around the property and not knowing how the young lady would react in the morning I advised the Captain that my military instincts were taking effect and movement to a more defensible position - such as OUT of the country - was advisable .He agreed stating that her temper and rants were ‘legendary’ and thought my ‘tactical maneuver’ to be very sound. He ‘rocketed’ me to the airport via Mercedes, paid for my ticket with an AMEX Gold Card, handed me an envelope brimming with Purple 500 Euro-Denominations and bade me farewell as I crossed the tarmac to a flight for was the ONLY flight available !! Aeroflot to the rescue.  

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